What I Needed From A Man

By: EBONY KNIGHT

I use to fill like I was missing out 

And that love was passing me by

And each night I spent alone

Was night I’d surely cry

I couldn’t understand

Why it was no one there

And the thought of never being loved

Was so difficult to bare

Here I am with all these kids

And the dads didn’t stick around.

After enduring all this hardship

Here’s what I have found:

 

I found that I loved myself

More than any man ever could

And If I never get a partner

I still will remain good.

But I also noticed that what I was searching for

Wasn’t real at all

At the time I just wanted someone to lay with

Chill with, cook for and call.

 

But what I really needed 

Was someone to mend my heart

Someone to pick me up and lift my spirits

When they see me falling apart

Someone to believe in me

When I tend to doubt myself

Someone who wants me and chooses me

Over anybody else

 

Someone who understands that love is not always easy

Someone who’s going to stick around and fight this battle with me

 

A man that’s not afraid 

and will risk being vulnerable to capture love 

Despite what trials may come our way

He is never giving up.

 

Someone to convince me 

That it’s ok to try again

Someone to show me it’s not game

But solely my heart he wants to mend.

 

A guy that’s willing to wait

Until I’m ready to let go

Who’s ok with taking time 

The time to take it slow

 

All those failed relationships

All the tears and pain

All the times of feeling worthless

And times I felt insane

All those things that hindered me

And kept me in the rain

Also gave me something

And it was clarity I gained

 

Here I am wanting love 

But I didn’t even know, nor did I understand 

Just what it was 

I actually needed from a man

MESSAGE TO MY EX

BY: EBONY KNIGHT

IF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN

BEING ANGRY OR SAD,

I COULD TELL YOU WITHOUT A DOUBT,

THAT I RATHER BE MAD.

I RATHER GET EVEN

AND TEAR SOME STUFF UP,

THEN SITTING AROUND SOMEWHERE

DEPRESSED AND STUCK.

I RATHER PAY YOU BACK

FOR ALL THE HURT YOU CAUSED

AND CUSS OUT EVERYONE

WHO WAS PRESENT AND INVOLVED.

EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED YOU

WHICH ENABLED YOU IN A SENSE.

EVERYONE WHO DIDN’T STOP YOU

IN MY EYES, WERE COMPLICIT.

IF I HAD THE CHOICE TO CRY,

I WOULDN’T SHED A TEAR.

I WOULDN’T BE SO FRIGHTENED

BECAUSE YOU’RE NOTHING TO FEAR.

YOU’RE NOTHING TO BE AFRIAD OF

YOU'RE JUST A COWARDLY MAN

WHO FOUND STRENGTH IN BEATING

AND CONTROLLING WOMEN.

YOU ARE EVERYTHING

I HOPE MY SON NEVER BECOME.

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN TEACH HIM.

BECAUSE YOU’RE LOWER THAN SCUM.

YOU CAN’T SHOW MY DAUGHTER

WHAT TRUE LOVE SHOULD LOOK LIKE.

BECAUSE SHE NEVER SAW YOU CHERISH

ANY WOMAN IN YOUR LIFE.

YOU SHOW THE KIDS EVERYTHING NOT TO BE.

YOU SHOW THEM HOW NOT TO ACT.

I HOPE THEY LEARN FROM US BOTH

AND KEEP THEIR LIVES ON TRACK.

IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN,

I’M NOT SURE I COULD.

I MEAN, I LOVE THE KIDS AND ALL

BUT, I’M NOT SURE I WOULD.

I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO THOSE DARK DAYS

WHEN I FELT I WANTED TO DIE.

I NEVER WANT TO BE SO SAD OR SCARED AGAIN

TO THE POINT I ACTUALLY TRY.

I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY

AND LIVE A LIFE I DESERVE.

NOT ONE FILLED

WITH HEARTACHES AND CURVES.

I WANT TO BE AT PEACE.

AND WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES,

I SO DESPERATLY WANT TO SLEEP.

SO JUST KNOW THAT

I AM THIS WAY BECAUSE OF YOU.

WHEN YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT MY DISQUST.

THINK OF ALL YOU PUT ME THROUGH.

THINK OF ALL THE TIMES I WALKED AWAY

AND YOU FOLLOWING IN A FURY.

YOU WERE MY ATTACKER,

JUDGE AND JURY.

ANY HAPPINESS I HAD

YOU WANTED IT FOR YOURSELF.

YOU CHOSE TO BE MAD

AND THREW COMPASSION ON THE SHELF.

OR LACKED IT ALL THE SAME.

THE ONLY THING YOU SHOWED ME WAS PAIN.

I’M WALKING AWAY WITH MY HEAD HIGH

KNOWING ALL I’VE EXPERIENCED

AND STILL DIDN’T DIE.

I AM HERE TO STAY

MY LIFE YOU CANNOT HAVE.

I’M TAKING CONTROL AGAIN.

SPENT TOO MUCH TIME BEING MAD.

I GOT MY MIND BACK

HOW IT WAS BEFORE

STRONG AND INDEPENDENT.

NO NEED TO SAY MORE.

DESPITE THE AWFUL THINGS YOU SAID UTO ME.

I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST.

HOPEFULLY YOU’LL GROW TO LEARN

TO LOVE AND CHERISH YOUR NEXT.

Thinking of  You

BY: EBONY KNIGHT

When I think of you, I think of all the ways I can be better.

It’s like I see myself in you,  and with you

I know that we can weather this storm together.

 

When I think of you, my doubts and fears subside.

It’s like my body is still, and my mind is calm;

With the thought of you, joy enters inside,

 

Happiness spreads like a cancer

when I close my eyes and imagine you

Next to me for a lifetime.

Next to me is you.

 

Thinking of you makes my heart smile

It brews up emotions that’s felt intensely

Feelings that validate my love for you immensely

 

Thinking of you is like a fresh summer breeze

the air is the warmth of your touch

And as the wind blows I’m reminded of the cuff of your squeeze

 

Thinking of you makes my heart skip

Thinking of you makes me want courtship.

Thinking of you in every way

It’s the thought of you that makes my day.

 

Thinking of you

And thinking of me.

Wondering if its fate

Or is it destiny?

Time

BY: EBONY KNIGHT

If time stood still

Would our love stand the test?

Would we still be friends?

Would I still be your best?

 

If time was on our side,

Would you move right away?

Or gamble with our love like you do

Until it’s too late?

 

If time told all

I would be a fool not to see

That each time you was given a choice

You did not choose me.

 

If time and time again

I was not your choice

Then there is no need to raise

Nor lift my voice

 

If time healed wounds

Then I’m still waititng on that.

If time was my friend

Then time would go back

To a time for me

When you didn’t mean jack!

 

If time was so precious

Why did you take mine for granted?

Why would you play in my face

And make me all frantic?

 

If time was all

It’s cracked up to be,

Why did you waste time

And take advantage of me?

 

If time had the power

To heal my heart.

Then my question to time is,

 When will you start?

Don't Give Up

BY: EBONY KNIGHT

Loving me won’t be easy at times

But I promise that I’m worth it.

I will be all you want and need,

Although I won’t be perfect.

 

I promise to always try

When my head tells me to go.

I promise to communicate 

And let my feelings known.

 

Loving me may be a challenge.

Are you ready for this fight?

Because I’m ready to give my all

To love and be loved right.

 

I’m ready to receive 

The love that’s meant for me.

And I’m ready to explore 

The love my heart yearns for.

 

So please stay by my side

When things start to get tough.

Loving me won’t be easy,

Just try and don’t give up.

If Loving You Is Wrong

BY: EBONY KNIGHT

If loving you is wrong,

I could not imagine being right.

In my most troubling times you lift my spirits

And make all things light.

 

If loving you was not meant for me,

Then why are my feelings so strong?

Why whenever I am with you,

Nothing seems wrong?

 

How can you make

My heart skip a beat?

And without doing much

Sweep me off my feet?

 

If loving you is wrong,

I’ll never ever be right.

I can’t imagine living

Without you in my life.

Someone That Feels The Same 

BY: EBONY KNIGHT

I prayed and begged God to send me a man

That I could love and be faithful to.

He Answered my prayers, by sending me you.

But he didn’t warn me of the things

That you could and would do.

 

I can’t be angry at God,

For I am the one who asked for this

And I know loving someone was such a great risk

But at the time I didn’t care,

Because it all seemed worth it.

 

I prayed and begged God to send me a man

That I could love and be faithful to,

He answered my prayers

By sending me you.

But I see now that I didn’t ask him

To spare my heart or keep me from the pain.

And I didn’t ask him to send me someone

That would feel the same.

Risk For You

BY: EBONY KNIGHT

Can you love me through my pain?

And when it’s hardest to,

Can you Love me through the rain? 

 

Will you love me through the storm

And when the skies are unclear?

Will you stay to comfort me 

and love me past my fears?

 

Will you run away

Like everyone else before

Or will you stick around

To help my heart soar.

 

Can you be my strength

On the days that I feel weak.

Push me to get up

The times I want to sleep.

 

Can you motivate me

To be all that I can?

And stand with me 

Proudly as my man.

 

Will you care about my feelings 

And cherish my mind?

Value my presence

And not my behind?

 

Love me how I should be loved

And for you, I’ll do the same.

I’ll stand beside you in the toughest times

And ride with you through the rain.

 

I’ll hold you in my arms

When the thoughts start to creep.

And Pray for you daily

Because of your life in the streets. 

 

I’ll hear you out

Until I see the facts.

I’ll hold us down

If you ever go back. 

 

I’ll give it a try

But you’ll have to do it too.

Loving someone is scary,

But I’ll take that risk for you.