The Truth Shall Set You Free
Let me pull you aside for a second. Not in judgment, but in love. You came to me, you said you wanted to heal, you wanted to grow, and you wanted to leave all the old pain behind. And Sis, I’m here for all of that. But let’s be honest—healing requires truth. Real, raw, unfiltered truth.
I’m not talking about the version you’ve been telling your friends, the one where you sprinkle in just enough detail to make yourself the hero. I’m talking about the version that keeps you up at night. The one you don’t want to say out loud because even you don’t want to believe it. That’s the truth we need to talk about.
The Weight of Denial
We carry so much, don’t we? As Black women, we carry the weight of the world on our backs—our families, our communities, the expectations of being “strong.” And somewhere in all that carrying, we learn how to tuck our own truths away. We convince ourselves it’s easier to hold on to the lies than to face the pain.
But here’s the thing about denial: it doesn’t actually protect you. It keeps you stuck. It keeps you in a cycle where the same patterns show up, the same people hurt you, and the same lessons knock on your door, louder and louder, until you have no choice but to listen.
Sis, don’t let denial rob you of your healing.
Why We Lie to Ourselves
Let’s call it what it is: self-preservation. We lie to ourselves because the truth feels like too much to bear.
- “He didn’t really mean to hurt me.”
- “I stayed because I loved him.”
- “I didn’t have a choice.”
We create these narratives to survive, to cope, to make sense of the senseless. And while those lies may have served you in the moment, they can’t come with you on this healing journey.
My Journey with Truth
Sis, let me get real with you for a minute. This isn’t just a concept or some abstract advice I’m throwing out here—this is my life. And let me tell you, the truth has not always been easy for me to face. In fact, there was a time when I thought avoiding it would somehow make the pain go away. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.
I struggled to come to terms with my son’s conception for years. What happened to me, what I let happen—that’s what I told myself—was something I thought I could bury. I didn’t want to be a victim. I didn’t want to be that woman, the one who let something like that happen to her. I told myself I was stronger than that, wiser than that. But the truth was, I wasn’t invincible.
The night it happened, I thought I was just out enjoying myself. An afterset with people I thought I could trust. People I thought I was safe around. But when the reality of what happened hit me, I didn’t know how to process it. So, I blamed myself.
- I shouldn’t have been there.
- I should’ve been at home with my kids.
- Why did I wear that? Why did I drink? Why did I trust them?
Every question, every ounce of blame, I turned inward. I made drastic changes in my life—I stopped going out, I changed the way I dressed, I tried to be “better.” But none of it stopped the storm that was raging inside me.
When the Truth Came Back Around
I thought I had it under control. I thought if I just moved on, the truth would stay buried. But Sis, the truth has a way of resurfacing when you least expect it.
When the DNA test came back and my son wasn’t my partner’s, everything unraveled. All the emotions I had suppressed came flooding back. The guilt, the shame, the anger—at them, at the world, but mostly at myself.
I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen. And I couldn’t keep running from my truth.
Owning My Truth
When I finally decided to be honest—with myself and with those around me—everything changed. It wasn’t easy. Owning my truth meant revisiting the pain, feeling it all over again, and sitting with it instead of pushing it away.
But it also meant freeing myself.
I started to realize that what happened to me wasn’t a reflection of my worth. It wasn’t because I was a bad mom, or because I made the wrong choices, or because I wasn’t good enough. It happened because someone else made a choice to harm me.
And Sis, that realization? It was like taking my power back.
Walking in Your Truth
There’s something so powerful about stepping into your truth. It’s like shedding old skin, dropping the weight of denial, and finally standing tall in who you are.
When you walk in your truth:
- You stop worrying about what other people think.
- You stop carrying shame that doesn’t belong to you.
- You give yourself permission to heal, grow, and evolve.
A Writing Exercise for Your Truth
This one’s for you, Sis. Grab your journal and carve out some quiet time. Let’s get to the heart of your truth.
- The Story You Tell Yourself: Write about a situation in your life that still weighs on you. Be honest about the version of the story you’ve been telling yourself.
- The Real Truth: Now, dig deeper. What’s the truth you’ve been avoiding? How does it feel to confront it?
- Your Next Step: Reflect on what this truth is teaching you. How can you use it to heal and move forward?
- End with this affirmation:My truth is my power. I face it with courage, and I release what no longer serves me.
The Power of Truth
Sis, the truth isn’t always pretty, but it’s always worth it. It’s the foundation of healing, the key to freedom, and the bridge to your best self.
So stop running. Stop hiding. Stop lying to yourself. The truth is calling you—and when you answer, you’ll realize you’ve had the power all along.
With love & a whole lot of truth,
Coach E💛