Forgiving Myself – The Hardest Lesson I’ve Ever Had to Learn

Let me tell you something, sis: I’ve wrestled with a lot of emotions over the years, but the one that almost broke me was forgiving myself. Not just for the things I did, but for the things I didn’t do—like leaving sooner, standing stronger, or seeing the signs before they became scars. The weight of that guilt? It’s heavy. And if you’re carrying it too, I need you to hear this: it’s time to let it go.

Healing isn’t just about forgiving others; it’s about forgiving ourselves. It’s about recognizing that we did the best we could with what we knew at the time. And that’s okay.

The Blame Game: How Our Minds Work Against Us

You know what’s wild? How our unconscious mind can turn us into our own worst enemy. Instead of pointing the finger where it belongs—at the person or situation that caused the harm—we turn it inward. “If only I had been smarter,” we tell ourselves. “If only I had left sooner. If only I had been stronger.”

Sis, that’s the trauma talking. Trauma tricks us into thinking we had control over things we didn’t. It whispers lies in our ears, making us believe we were complicit in our own pain. But let me remind you of something: you are not responsible for the things done to you. Period.

What you are responsible for is how you choose to move forward. And let me tell you, moving forward starts with being kind to yourself.

Being Kinder to Yourself and Others

Forgiveness—real, deep forgiveness—starts with grace. Grace for the version of you who didn’t know better. Grace for the version of you who was too scared to leave, too tired to fight, or too broken to see a way out.

Sis, you are not weak for staying. You are not foolish for loving someone who didn’t deserve you. You are human. And healing starts when we stop punishing ourselves for being human.

But here’s the thing: the grace we give ourselves? It has to extend to others too. I know that’s hard. It’s easier to stay mad, to hold on to the anger because it feels safer than vulnerability. But forgiveness isn’t about letting anyone off the hook—it’s about freeing yourself.

When you forgive, you’re not saying, “What you did was okay.” You’re saying, “I refuse to let what you did control me anymore.”

Healing Is Hard, Sis, but It’s Worth It

Let’s not sugarcoat it—healing is work. It’s crying when you don’t want to cry. It’s confronting truths you’d rather ignore. It’s choosing to get up every day and do the hard things instead of letting the pain win.

Healing is an active decision. It’s not something that just happens. It’s a choice you have to make over and over again. And some days, that choice feels impossible. But let me tell you, sis, it’s so worth it.

When you commit to healing, you’re saying to yourself, “I deserve better.” And you do. You deserve the kind of peace that lets you sleep at night. The kind of joy that makes you laugh from your soul. The kind of love that starts with you and radiates outward.

The Journey Back to Yourself

For a long time, I felt like I had lost myself. I was so consumed by the guilt, the pain, and the what-ifs that I couldn’t see who I was anymore. But piece by piece, I started putting myself back together.

It started with little things—journaling, meditating, and learning to sit with my feelings instead of running from them. I stopped asking, “Why did this happen to me?” and started asking, “What can I learn from this?”

And sis, that’s when everything changed. When I stopped seeing myself as a victim and started seeing myself as a survivor. A warrior. A woman who could face the hardest things life threw at her and still rise.

Let’s Do This Together

Here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone. Healing is hard, but it’s less lonely when you’re surrounded by people who get it. That’s why I’m building this space—a community of sisters who lift each other up, who hold each other accountable, and who remind each other that we are worthy.

So let’s make a pact, sis. Let’s stop blaming ourselves for the things we couldn’t control. Let’s choose healing, even when it’s hard. Let’s practice being kind to ourselves and each other, knowing that every step forward is a step closer to the peace we deserve.

You are not your mistakes. You are not your pain. You are the fire that comes after the ashes. Let’s walk this road together, one step, one breath, one act of grace at a time.

With love and resilience,
E💜