Choosing Peace Over Pain: Why I Had to Distance Myself

Hey Sis, Let’s talk about something that’s hard to admit but even harder to live through—choosing to distance yourself from someone you love, someone who’s supposed to love you back, because their denial and lack of accountability are too much to bear. For me, that someone is my mom.

It’s not that I don’t love her. I do. But I had to choose me. I had to choose my peace, my sanity, and my healing over the constant gaslighting, denial, and trauma.

Denial: The Silent Destroyer

What I’ve realized is that her refusal to acknowledge her wrongs is just as harmful as the actions themselves. It’s like trying to heal a wound while someone keeps reopening it, over and over again.

Each time she denies what she’s done, it feels like she’s telling me my pain doesn’t matter, like my experiences weren’t real. It makes me second-guess myself, questioning if I’m overreacting, if I’m being too sensitive, if I’m imagining things. And that, Sis, is the most dangerous part.

Gaslighting is insidious. It creeps into your mind and makes you question your own reality. And when it’s coming from someone who’s supposed to love and protect you, it hits even harder.

The Weight of Second-Guessing

There were moments when I found myself wondering, “Am I crazy? Did it really happen that way?” And that kind of doubt is exhausting. It’s mentally and emotionally draining to constantly replay events in your head, trying to convince yourself that what you lived through was real.

I couldn’t keep doing that to myself. I couldn’t keep sacrificing my peace for someone who refuses to take accountability. Her denial hinders my healing, and without healing, I can’t move forward.

Why Accountability Matters

Accountability is powerful. It’s not just about saying, “I’m sorry.” It’s about acknowledging the pain you’ve caused and committing to do better. It’s about giving the other person the space to heal by validating their experiences.

But when someone refuses to take accountability, they rob you of that opportunity. They keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and confusion, unable to close the chapter and move on.

I had to break that cycle. I had to stop waiting for the apology that may never come.

The Cost of Denial

What hurts the most is that her denial isn’t just about avoiding blame—it’s about protecting herself at my expense. She would rather continue the lie than face the truth. She would rather gaslight me than acknowledge her role in my pain.

That’s not love. Love is accountability. Love is honesty. Love is showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Choosing to Walk Away

Distancing myself from my mom wasn’t an easy choice, but it was a necessary one. I couldn’t keep sacrificing my mental health for the sake of a relationship that wasn’t built on mutual respect or understanding.

I had to protect my peace. I had to choose healing. And sometimes, healing means letting go.

It doesn’t mean I don’t love her. It doesn’t mean I don’t wish things were different. But it does mean I’m no longer willing to put myself in a position where my sanity and self-worth are constantly under attack.

Breaking the Cycle

What keeps me going is knowing that I’m breaking the cycle. I’m raising my daughters to know their worth, to understand the power of accountability, and to never second-guess their experiences or their feelings.

I want them to love and respect me, but I also want them to feel safe enough to call me out when I’m wrong. Because love isn’t about always being right—it’s about showing up, being honest, and doing the work to heal together.

Writing Exercise: Releasing the Doubt

Sis, take a moment to write out all the times you’ve second-guessed yourself because of someone else’s denial or gaslighting. Then write down affirmations to remind yourself that your experiences are valid and your feelings matter. End with a commitment to protect your peace, no matter what.

My Message to You

If you’re in a similar situation, know this: It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to choose peace over pain. It’s okay to love someone from a distance if being close to them hurts more than it heals.

You are not crazy. You are not overreacting. Your pain is valid, and your healing is worth fighting for.

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. And Sis, you deserve to heal. You deserve peace. You deserve joy.

With love and light,
E 💜